Fatal Gaming Binge


‘A Chinese man has died after a three-day online gaming session in which he did not sleep and barely ate, reports say. The man reportedly lost consciousness at an internet cafe on the outskirts of the Chinese capital, Beijing. He was rushed to a clinic but could not be revived, the Beijing Times said. The 30-year-old man, who was not identified, was said to have spent more than 10,000 yuan ($1,500; £928) on gaming in the month before his death. China has more than 450 million internet users, and online games – which can involve multiple users role-playing in a virtual world – are particularly popular with young men. Researchers say tens of millions of Chinese people – many of them teenagers – are addicted to internet gaming, despite curbs introduced by the authorities aimed at tackling the problem. Similar deaths have occurred in other nations. In 2005 a 28-year-old man died in South Korea after playing online games for 50 hours without a break’ – The BBC Website

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Male Sensitivity Test


MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the dickskin rocket to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sports Centre.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetiser is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. “I hope we can still be friends.”
B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
C. “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.”

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results
-If you answered “A” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
-If you answered “B” more than 7 times, check into therapy. You’re a little confused.
-If you answered “C” more than 7 times, “YOU DA MAN”

Radical Celibacy Strike in Belgium and Countdown : the video game


‘No sex here please! As Belgium hits eight months without a government this week, a boycott on sex is being suggested as a way out of the nation’s longest political impasse. “When a situation’s dire and nothing’s moving, either you become a cynic or you react with humour,” said Marleen Temmerman, the Belgian senator and gynaecologist who threw up the notion. Speaking in her Ghent office, Temmerman said her call for “no more sex until a new administration” dates back to a trip to Kenya last month where she got wind of another novel bid to break the deadlock – a boycott on shaving. That was from Belgian actor Benoit Poelvoorde, star of early 1990s mockumentary “Man Bites Dog” and recent movie “Coco After Chanel.” “Let’s keep our beards until Belgium rises again,” he urged on Belgian TV. Temmerman said “the men loved it and that was when Kenyan women reminded us about their sex strike” in 2009 to demand a political solution. “Within a month a deal was done there” – AFP.

‘A mum playing a computer game version of TV’s Countdown with her three-year-old son was outraged when it spelled out SH**HEADS. Victoria Smith and her lad Oliver were trying to work out the conundrum – a nine-letter anagram – to help him build up his vocabulary. She was stunned when the jumbled letters SHAHSITED clicked over to reveal the swear word. The Nintendo Wii game – marketed as suitable for players aged three and over – was created with the backing of Channel 4 which makes the long-running quiz show.

‘Angry Victoria, 30, said yesterday: “I couldn’t believe my eyes as the word was slowly unveiled as an obscene insult. Oliver is a really bright kid and we play this game to help him build up his word bank. He was already asking what the word meant. My husband Daniel had to rush him out of the room.” Victoria, of Hampstead, North London, said she would not be playing the game again’ – The Sun. Presumably ‘Angry Victoria’ will also have to explain to her darling little delicate child why that lady has got no clothes on in the newspaper that features her story.

Paaaartttty


A 14-year-old girl from Hertfordshire who included her address on a Facebook invitation to her party was alarmed when 21,000 said they would be coming. The party was cancelled when the school pupil was swamped by RSVPs from unwanted would-be guests on the social networking site. The girl, from Harpenden, had reportedly only intended to invite 15 friends to her 15th birthday party. Police said officers would patrol the area on the day of the planned party’ – BBC.

Lol Lol, It had me at “Neuter Program”


A terrific story emerged last night about a friendly earlier on this month.

The game was between Togo and Bahrain, which the latter won 3-0. It went pretty much unnoticed, as one might expect of a match between the teams ranked 87th and 75th in the world. Hell, even the new Bahrain coach Josef Hickersberger described it as ‘boring’.

Until now. For as it turns out, it wasn’t a Togo team at all. Well, at least not a Togo team that anyone recognised.

It seems some cheeky japesters were simply posing as an international football team (insert own England/France/Portugal joke here), in order to get themselves a run-out.

“Nobody has ever been informed of such a game. We will conduct investigations to uncover all those involved in this case,” said Togo sports minister Christophe Chao, when informed of the match.

Apparently, the organisers initially published a list of 20 Togo players, which included each player’s passport number and date of birth, only for a totally different 18 players to show up for the game.

Brotherly Love Story Of The Day
‘Turkish football is in shock after a manager was stabbed six times on the touchline during a match. Local news agencies reported that Yuksel Yesilova suffered wounds to his stomach and hip after being attacked by his elder brother Murat. The victim was rushed to hospital where his injuries were said not to be life-threatening. He was released on Tuesday morning.

‘The game between Yesilova’s side Mersin Idman Yurdu and Samsunspor was promptly suspended after 40 minutes. ‘It was discovered that Murat Yesilova, the elder brother of the coach, carried out the assault,’ Huseyin Aksoy, the area’s Governor told Anatolia news agency. ‘In his first statement to the police he said he did it because of personal issues.’ Aksoy added that Murat was watching the game from the stands, and ‘from there, he jumped onto the pitch’ – The Daily Mail.

‘No Balls!’

‘The world’s top animal rights organisation has offered Pakistan cricketers mired in a fixing scandal the chance to claw back public respect by starring in a cat and dog neutering advertisement. Seeing the silver lining in Pakistan’s embarrassing spot-fixing scandal, the US-based People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) urged the players to exploit their “no-balls” notoriety to promote a healthier kind of “fixing”. The group said it had written to ask Pakistan cricketers Salman Butt, Wahab Riaz, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Aamir to feature in a TV and print campaign showing that “no-balls” can be a lifesaver, not just a crime. “No-balls may be a bad thing in cricket, but for dogs and cats, ‘no balls’ are a lifesaver,” Peta said in a letter’ – AFP

2 Storys


‘Wisconsin police say a street musician apparently upset by criticism of his music bashed a man over the head with his guitar, slammed another person into a wall and wrestled with an officer before being arrested. Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain tells The Capital Times that 31-year-old Brandin Hochstrasser, known as “Bongo Jesus,” was performing Thursday when a 54-year-old man knocked his music. DeSpain says the two argued and police were called when Hochstrasser began hitting his critic with his guitar. DeSpain says Hochstrasser then charged the man, knocking him down. An officer used a stun gun to subdue and arrest Hochstrasser. Online court records show no formal charges had been filed by Sunday. A listed phone number for Hochstrasser couldn’t be found’ – AP.

Runner-Up
‘Shopping has a similar effect on the brain to watching pornographic films, a study has indicated. Consumers offered discounts or or other promotions on a range of consumer goods showed a mental response resembling that of sexual arousal, the researchers found. Having wired up 50 volunteers, the scientists from the University of Westminster monitored their eye movements and emotional responses to the products and graded them on a scale of one to ten. Others including a discount couple for Cravendale milk and a Wallace & Gromit free gift with Kingsmill bread also scored particularly highly among the early results’ – The Daily Telegraph. We wouldn’t advise doing what you do while watching pron while in Topshop, mind.

Irish Prophet


A self-styled visionary yesterday told followers he couldn’t give them a message from the Virgin Mary as she had given him “so much information” he couldn’t remember everything, writes Eimear Ni Bhraonain. Joe Coleman said he would have to reflect on it all before putting details on his website. The Dubliner also held up his bus pass, telling supporters he was a “poor man” who lived off the invalidity pension. More than 1,000 people turned out at the Melleray Grotto in Cappoquin, Co Waterford yesterday to see Mr Coleman. Mr Coleman, who has attracted scorn for his claims that the Virgin Mary passes him messages, told the crowd that Our Lady had appeared to him with red roses at her feet. He said she had given him a “fantastic” message and had urged everyone to pray. But he was unable to pass on the message as it was too extensive. Speaking after the event, Mr Coleman claimed to be “disgusted” at how the Catholic Church had treated his supporters. – The Irish Independent